Me, Myself & I

Relink!

2010-05-30T02:36:00.001-07:00

RELINK!

@ STAYBYMYSIDEEEE!

Hide all my tears, tomorrow's always a better day. :D

Keep on smiling,
PANGPANG.

2010-04-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

TAKE BACK ALL MY WORDS. HOHO!

WWW.P-ANGPANG.BLOGSPOT.COM ! :B

Positive.

2010-04-25T22:48:00.001-07:00

And I just realised how much I lovee blogging. LOL. Kay. Stalk daily , dude .

I just knew of another earthquake that hit Philipines, which cause Taipei to shake a lil. Is like scary, I don't dare go Taiwan alrdy. LOL. Kay, just joking, that's my whole life ambition leh. To move to Taiwan and stay there until old old. Because I love there de rich culture. Hahah. :D

It's a whole brand new feeling making w those whom I used to kan-bu-shuang as a child. Yeap, I have this menopause feeling when I said child. Lol. I really ain't that old, yea. :B

Just keep on smiling, think positively.

Cramps again, I hope it's menstrual ones. I am fcuk worried when my menses don't come. LOL.

Back!

2010-04-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

And I'm back again! {WOOHOO!}

I have this huge huge problem with my perfectionist character. I just keep on editing previous entries and deleting them away. So, why not just go back to that already half ruined blog? LOL!

I sort out my thoughts alot alot, I know I've not been hanging out with my girlfs. Instead, I stayed at home, watched tv, bloghopped and and, studied a lil lil bit. HAHAHAH. Brr. No swimming because I'm allergic to swimming pool de water. And I'm allergy to dust too, dust makes my skin red and itchy. Eww. And I got one fugly unglam pimple on my nose. Like @$#^$&%$@, that's my 2nd in my whole bloody 17years of life alrdy. Had my fringe cutted, it's back to coconut agn. Brr. And dyed my hair black, ohmygosh. Like very sudden. But is because I felt that my hair got too much color, there's brownred, goldbrown, milkteabrown and ashbrown. :B Ohyea, still got what cherripink and another shade of goldbrown inside. Because everytime I just rojak dye. HAHAHAH. :/ Nevermind, now it's black, now it's black! OHNO. Been spending more time w my family these few days. I always thought Sundays are torture days, having to stay home w family who bickers all day long. But after these almost a month trial. I started loving it. :D Hahahahah. Okay, bet you've realised by now, Pangpang's trying to become a better person. (: Get rid of my uncanny attitude problem and study v. hard for prelims. :DD

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
-Corinthians

Pst, I know I'm LONG WINDED. Rofl.

Moved.

2010-04-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

Moved!

To.
WWW.N-EVERBYE.BLOGSPOT.COM

Pangpang

Vexed.

2010-03-30T03:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel I'm all on my own, despite reassurance that my friends, my family is still with me. Then I found myself stopped believing.

Teckheng, I shouldn't had believed you. Know what, you was that last I believed.

Tired.

2010-03-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of school . (!)

So, ever since I stopped not going school on wed and fri, I've been not going on tue and thur. Like no difference eh! Dreads waking up early in the morning, and having to walk to school after mum's consistant nags, trying to occupy myself with something to do in class. Guess what, I think I've missed school for more than 30days this year already. Psh, I don't care.

I'm tired, really, give me a break.

Thankyou.

2010-03-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

I just remembered I 偷偷 recorded down Teckheng singing when he was very high {okay, over-high} last sat night {Actually is sun morn, pass midnight alrdy}. :D He sang 我不会唱戨. But got 感动 me lurhs, although he keep on call me 白痴. But but, ever since that day's call, I really believe he is Chao Ah Gua ler. Hahahahrhs. But still, he's my most belovedddd Papa ! {Love him as much as I love blue horhor} :DDDD

Thanks for always 原谅 me when I disiao you. {By miss call him 10plus times daily}, bombed your inbox {By stupid emotional texts}, did things you don't want me to, force you to laugh at my no-sense humour {HAHAHAH}, and many many many many more. And thanks for always being there for me when I need you.

You're the only I could ever trust now .

Papa, I hearts You.

Love, it has been 17months since you left me. I will never find that piece back. People still asks me in surprise, "You're still not over him?", "Why you just can't move on?", "Can you wake up?", etc etc.. That was a part of me, something I will never forgo. You was there, with me. I had you, I really did had you. Sometimes I will start reading all the past texts and love you all over again, and hate you all over again. Ever since we parted, everytime bus187 or mrt pass by b.gombak, I'll drop a tear or two. People told me, don't think about him and you won't miss him. But everytime I watch a horror movie, I will cry myself to sleep, mumbling your name. When I'm on the verge of breakdown, I'll scream your name inside my heart. It was never within my control. Dejian, to love you, was never within my control. I never planned to start it that way and end it that way. If I can forget somebody, it will be you.

Miss.

2010-03-22T01:20:00.001-07:00

I miss ... , ... , ... , ... .

These few days had been like shit.

And I feel that I've lost everything.

No friends, no family, all alone.

I can't help asking myself again, why was I ever here.

Last post.

2010-03-18T04:28:00.000-07:00

It's pathetic when you turn back to find nobody rooting for you .

This will be my last post.. Until O'levels are over. I can't afford to lose this time round. {My blog also nobody tag, just alot of stalkerzx only}

No more clubbing, no more singing k, no more library trips {which always turn out to be ~~gossip~~jiaowei session for me}, no more pon school wed & fri, no more branded stuffs, no more facebook, and no morezxzxzxzx.. All until O'levels are over.

Die die must complete all 10 year series by June, then June go work. {So can eat good derhs everyday :D}

Motivation !

Teckheng knocked some senses into my brain this morning. And, at here {LOOK LOOK, 老爸!}, I promise you, I will find a good boyf {Someone like you? Maybe (:} , I will get into a poly {If I get into nursing course, I DIE ALSO DON'T WANT GO POLY} , I will guaiguai derhs {When was I ever not guai, baka}.

Well well, and yeap, Live For Myself .

Who could I ever turn to when I need a listening ear? My pillow.

If I could survive, I'll be back.

Cannot not.

2010-03-17T01:10:00.000-07:00

Was suppose to meet someone, but on my way there, he suddenly got something on, so I alighted at b.gombak. I just sat there and cried and cried. It's the feeling I got when I left his house the last time when we broke up. Just learnt a fact, I'll never be able to get over those feelings.

I cannot not sink in.

Screwed,

2010-03-15T21:50:00.001-07:00

I screwed up alot of things, and I don't know what to say. School, peers and r/s. All busted.

Kay, heck care.

Caught Nodame Cantabile the Movie with Charlotte and Yahyah yesterday. The movie is ..., some parts funny, some parts touching. But I really loved musical plays, and this is the first time I realised that actually the conductor means alot to a musical play. {I thought their job was easy, swing swing hand jiu can earn money. :B} Throughout the whole movie, two couples sitting at the last row was smooching, and made some sounds. Tmd.

I want a Burberry bag . :D

Now, I got a pair of heels, and a pair of sandals which is of the exact same desgin. And then, I saw another pair of sandals of that exact same design which has a more chio color. Should I get it ?

Tomorrow got art, die . I go in school sure tio caught. With my blue and purple hair and black nails.

And why alot of people say I look like I got put makeup when I didn't. LOL. I guess I must be looking very pale uhs.

Going dye a new color, since some two person dyed the same color. Same same but different. LOL.

Eww, I'm feeling so random now uhs.

Smile smile smile, I won't let anybody see my tears (:

Hearts love.

放棄

2010-03-11T19:37:00.002-08:00

有一種愛，叫《放棄》。

當你不再愛我，當愛你已成為你的負擔，當相愛已是一種痛苦，那麼，我選擇放棄。

放棄你，是因為愛你。

因為愛你，所以不願看見你不快樂；

因為愛你，所以不願看著你強忍內心的掙扎；

因為愛你，所以不願看見你勉強的笑容；

因為愛你，所以願意放了你。

當愛已成往事，又何必苦苦追尋？

強求得不來幸福，強求只能啦大你我的裂痕，只能加劇你我的痛楚。

如果你真的想走，我無言，只能任你去。

曾經以為你是風箏，我手中握著那根線，無論你飛向何方，我最終都是你的歸屬。

現在終於明白，其實愛你，就不應該束縛你。

“春花秋月何時了，往事知多少？”往事如風，不如讓愛隨風而去。

當一切成空，惟有回憶伴我。

時間能沖淡一切，包括我對你的愛。

不願讓你看見我的眼淚，因為你會心軟，但你不會開心。

因為愛你，所以不會用淚水強留，所以放了你。

你的心已遠去，我又何苦留下你的體？

雖然我渴望天長地久，但如果這只是一種奢求，那我不如只求曾經擁有。

曾經擁有過你的愛，這已足夠。

因為有一種愛，叫做放棄。

放棄不是無私的奉獻。

放棄你，這不僅是對你的愛，更是對我自己的呵護。

放棄你，我會傷心，但我不會後悔。

讓你從我的生命中消失，是因為“長痛不如短痛”。

當我容顏盡老、行將就木，我依然不會後悔。

因為曾經愛過你。

因為愛你，所以希望你快樂。

有人說這個世界不會有永恆的愛情。

你我之間，如果連短暫的愛情也無法存在，不如放開彼此。

愛你，就該讓你去追尋你的幸福。

當你快樂時，我也會快樂。

因為你的一切，我都在意。

如果你要離開我，我不會怪你，只能怪我自己，怪自己太愛你。

也許是我過分的寵溺讓你習慣享受，也許是我過分的放任讓你沒有責任，

也許是我過分的愛憐讓你壓力重重，也許是她美麗的容顏讓你迷向。

只怪你我有緣無分。

當你想要離去，請別管我，你只需告訴我，你不再愛我，你要走。

我一定會讓你走，不會乞求你留下，哪怕聽見自己心碎的聲音。

當你離去，請別再回頭。回頭是一種錯誤，回頭是對你我的不公。

去了，請別再後悔。

因為愛你，就該放了你。

我知道，有一種愛叫做放棄，那是對你最深的愛。

Don't want to love you.

2010-03-11T19:37:00.001-08:00

我是喜歡你，我不去愛你

喜歡你，我可以偷偷地欣賞

遠遠地隔着玻璃跟你打招呼

喜歡你，我可以竊竊地笑

把你侃得躺在地上起不來

我是喜歡你，我不去愛你

愛你，我會患得患失

愛你，我會沒了自己

愛你，我的心情從此由你來主宰

愛你，我的情緒波動太大

我是喜歡你，我不去愛你

喜歡你，我會感激你對我的幫助

喜歡你，我對你的短信會發出會心的一笑

喜歡你，我可以聽你講你心中的秘密

喜歡你，我會把你當哥們一樣使來喚去

我是喜歡你，我不去愛你

愛你，我會對你的要求越來越多

愛你，我會對你諸多挑剔

愛你，收不到你的短信我會徹夜無眠

愛你，我看不慣你對其它的女孩子微笑

我是喜歡你，我不去愛你

喜歡你，我可以慢慢地品味咖啡的味道

細細地品讀你的心情文字

喜歡你，我會在有月的夜晚偶然想起你

在記憶中搜尋你的足迹

喜歡你，我會在雪地裏笑得很燦爛

喜歡你，我會對着一朵花微笑

我是喜歡你，我不去愛你

愛你，我的世界從此變得狹小

再也容不下任何東西

愛你，我會在布滿陽光的早晨手足無措

因爲你的一句無關痛癢的戲語

愛你，我會聽了某首曲子後淚流滿面

愛你，我會懷都著殘杯顧影自憐

我是喜歡你，因爲我要和你做一生一世的朋友

我不去愛你，因爲我擔心有一天會失去你

我只喜歡你，因爲我要把那些愉快的往事懸掛在窗前

在有風的晚上細細地品味甜蜜情誼的芳香

我不去愛你，因爲我不想讓孤獨寂寞從此愛上了我

我不想讓淚水浸濕了一個個古老的歌謠

Hello.

2010-03-09T17:55:00.000-08:00

Hellooooh .

Going to blog when I get my hands on my uncle's laptop later. :D
Lots of stuffs to blog about.

And yeap, attached to Liew Zhi Wai on 4th March.
Love him truckloads.

:DDDDDDD

And goodbye.

Enough.

2010-03-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

Those were part of that dream I left on the road back home.

Slap that love, kick the lust, I was already broken back then.
Enough of all those bullshit, forever never lasts.
Enough of all those you-will-find-a-better-man.
I've seen through life.
It has always been about me, myself and I, not any other person.

Live with a sol, not willing to let myself sink down anymore.

Loved, I did loved once.
That was all I ever needed.

Cherdj, not going to miss you today.

True

2010-02-28T18:53:00.000-08:00

Today's 1st March 2010, and they've been together for an year. Last longer. (:

Yet again, I cried till my tears dried, till my throat sore, but you weren't even here. 16 months had passed, life without you seem easier to adapt now. Sometimes I'll look back again, force myself to accept reality, and breakdown all over again. This is how I grow up. Some people said I grew up the wrong way, replacing love with hate. Some people said I will never let go. But to me, it's all easier than having to see him with her every now and then.

I was neglected and abandoned when I asked for help. Now, I've forgotten how I felt back then. Because I just can't be bothered anymore.

I'm the only one true to myself, I know.

Me.

2010-02-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

I don't know how to go by believing you.
I'm sorry.

The one who stood by me in my hardest time, was the one who hurt me the most.
The one who wanted me to fall in love again, was the one who broke me apart.
The one who pieced me back, will be the one waiting for me to fall.

Born pure pessimistic, I know I am.

Someone broke me years back, and I was never healed.
Still stuck with childish beliefs, I believe in fairytales and happily-ever-after.
Just the time ain't right.

I'm not going to force love, never going to.

I can't bring myself to see those tears in your eyes, here, this is my last goodbye.
Take care.

Misses.

2010-02-21T18:50:00.000-08:00

I can't help not worrying .

I'm actually all on my own, though I do have a boyf, though I've got my regular clique of friends. But somehow, I missed the past. Much more after I met up with Yihuan yesterday. She's already in pjc and I'm still laying around in huayi. Supposed to graduate with her, but I foiled it. Plain stupidity, I tried telling myself I dropped because I'm stupid, but how can I cover my ears when the past echos in my ears? No point looking back, I know. But, how do I ever go by doing it ?

I did missed how we were when we're sec2. I could still remember the first time we meet to go to basketball training together. You greeted me with a broad smile that brightened up my heart when I was bullied and hurt from head to toe, left to right. I still remembers your smile as and when. It was when our friendship started. All those going hke after school together, going mamashop eat after school together, playing basketball together, walking in the rain together, walking long distances together. I did smiled from my heart. And it's because of you. Somehow, missing you.

Dejian, I dreamt of you last night.

Me am still attached, yes. (:

Hais.

2010-02-10T16:49:00.000-08:00

What to say.

What's done can't be undone .

No breaking down, I know.
Hais.

Wrong.

2010-02-07T18:53:00.000-08:00

No regrets this time round, I want to live it right and make everything perfect.

No doubt I'm still slacking around, clubbing with exboyfs, I know it's abnormal, but hell, who cares. I love the way I can hear nothing but just my heartbeat in the night. It's thrilling walking home alone, crying in memories, bathing in the early morning and rushing out the next. Hectic, tiring, and yet enjoyable.

But I promise, I will stop all these when it's March.

Me miss my boy.

Dead comp .

2010-02-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

Suqin jio me go clubbing tonight, but today is thurs, tomorrow got school. And it's a thai disco kind of club. It's a mixed age event. And I don't ike wearing my one and only clubbing dress, it's very very very very show-yyyy and baby sure won't let me wear that to go. Today feel very shag uhs, maybe gng clubbing will cheer me up? Who knows. Shall confirm whether to go anot ltr.

Who's true? Who's not? I know the answers, and I hate to know it.

Baby's still sleeping. Even shagggg .

Cher De Jian, I promised you I won't fall, so I won't, won't ever. Keep to our promise, keep smiling (:

My computer died .

Am not gng to send it to repair anymre, shall invest in a iphone instead. Me and Yihuan are soooo head over heels over iphone 3gs. Me want data plan and iphone 3gs, 32gb,

I

2010-02-02T00:35:00.000-08:00

I heart my boy, that truckload much . x33

Stop .

2010-01-30T18:01:00.001-08:00

I've got a feeling, we're gng to end .

You scolded me last night. I'm still angry over it, you're the first guy, other than my dad, to scold me, you know? I hate you.

Hais.

Suddenly, I feel like stopping here.

I need a rest.

你怎麽变得让我不认识你了
欺骗自私辩驳嘴角眼神冷漠
我强忍爱流血了但承受不了冤枉的痛
你的心变了还说是我的错

Baby, what did I meant to you.. ?

Mummy brewed birdnest! :DDDD

Feel like .

2010-01-29T19:28:00.000-08:00

I feel like, telling you, how I missed you.

As days goes by, I learnt to slowly let go. Not that the injured part on my heart has recovered, just that I've grown up. I learnt responsibilites, I learnt consequences. Rather than hate you, why not just forgive and forget everything? I asked myself what was it that I was holding on to. And to the shock of myself, I couldn't find a single thing I could even try persuade myself to believe that I'm still into you. Maybe, that's the truth.

I still miss you, like I always do.

But time waits for no man, I've grown up. And no longer that girl you can control with just a command.

And to those stalkers, I seriously think you guyzx should get a life. I really know how many of you guys, and I know you guys so fcuk well. Gossip all you like, sheeps of bastards. I never knew guys gossipzxzxzxzx more than girls de ley. You guys totally proved my wrong, aunties!

Tired .

2010-01-28T16:16:00.000-08:00

I don't even had an idea what to blog, but I just entered blogger, subconsiously. Tired, tday's lesson is till 2pm. I'm craving for cocacola float from Millie's mum shop. And bakutteh from Malaysia, at a specific shop @ Klang. And of course, currychicken rice from Queensway. My throat is in pain, and I feel feverish. Don't feel like talking, so yea, type, type & type.

Baby's still asleep, I have this feeling he want to pon school tday. Oh well, he's already late unless he cab to school but he won't. I know he won't bear to even spend a cent on cab. He'll happily pon de lorhs. Kays, I don't care.

Tired .

Today .

2010-01-28T02:28:00.000-08:00

Didn't went school today, I'm very afraid of teachers, especially humanities and sciences teacher. I didn't do that ss test paper, I don't want to be questioned and roasted like a pig yea? :/

Met up with Millie and we went hke to vball. The weather was very hot, and I got my fav fresh watermelon ice blended! :D Had mcwings and 1$ coke, and I treated Millie to medium coke. HAHAH. And I had hot fudge sundae too. Volleyball-d with Yanmei, then Ysabelle & clique. Saw people I very very don't like, and home sweet home. (:

Baby is gng work agn.
And I shall miss him truckloads.

He said, be gentle, no vulgarities, save money and must change for him. So, I told him I'll try to. But but, I have a bad feeling abt it. :/

Sleepyyyy !

2010-01-27T05:08:00.000-08:00

I'm missing him ! :B

He's currently working, he end work @ 11pm. Today didn't texted much to him, it's a great improvement alrdy, as compared to when I was sms-ing him every 2mins when he didn't replied. Kay, I'm exaggerating. HAHAH. His friend is trying to spite me to admit I like him uhs. And I completely rejected their question, and he was like affected by my answer. Sorry, baby. I only don't want them know anything. Heh heh.

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Baby, you make me wanna fall in love agn.

Hectic school life. AND AND, massive hairdrop due to stress, I think the school should let all graduating classes undergo hair treatment when in the last year. Stress is accummulating, weighing down my shoulders, I'm very very stress ahhhh!

I'm very tired, and sleepy.
But I told baby to text me after he end his work. :/

Yawns.

Teacher commented that I haven't switched back from holiday mood, am I? And I quitted my snack-ing habit in class as the cleaners always throw away my tidbits. Am very annoyed and irritated by that rabbit who keep on por everybody. Machiam like dog, seriously, never looked down on somebody until like that lorhs. F. I need to change seats, for fcuk god sake. Gonna propose this to f.tcher when I see her.

Yawns.

I badly need to sleep, so nightzx!